With half of marriages coming to an end, there are about 1.5 million children
annually who experience their parents going through a divorce. At the
time of the split it feels as though their world may be falling apart,
everything is coming to an end and there is no hope. The season of divorce
can be a trifling one, filled with a lot of emotions, confusion and legal
details. Despite the hardships, many parents realize that it is best for
themselves and their family if the end the marriage because there is no
peace in the household. However, there are also parents who are so scared
of hurting their children with a divorce that they choose to remain married,
despite the pain and conflict.
Many parents fear that if they divorce, their children will essentially
be “screwed up” for the rest of their lives. This is simply
not true. While there are a small group of children who may react strongly
to the separation and even years later hold onto it, the majority of children
will grow to be decent adults having moved forward well after their parents’
divorce. Parent, fear not; there is hope! According to various researches,
the group of children with serious problems after a parents divorce is
relatively small, as well as adults later on town the road.
Psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington from the University of Virginia shares
in her 2002 study that while divorce may be very difficult for children
in the present trial, later on they will grow to recover quickly. The
majority of children will in fact face hard ships for a short period of
time after their parents’ divorce, and that is natural. Imagine, their
parents are leaving each other, you’re going to have another house
to live in part of the time, you won’t have dinner with both parents,
etc. it would be hard and a lot to handle, especially for younger children.
These children will likely experience a range of emotions such as anger,
depression, confusion, anxiety, disbelief, etc. Her studies deemed that
by the end of the second year after the divorce, the child will have gotten
used to the changes and moved forward, accepting life the way it now is.
Another study by sociologist Paul R. Amato in 2001, shows that the children
of divorce also will do well long term. His research evaluated the effects of the
children of divorce long after the event took place from later childhood into adolescence,
then afterwards. Here he would then analyze their academic achievements
and their different problems emotionally and behaviorally, as well as
other key factors such as self-concept, social relationships and delinquency
in order to see how they were responding to the divorce.
There are studies that show the problems of divorce on a person may not
actually manifest itself until the later years of adulthood. According
to one researcher, Judith Wallerstein, a majority of adults who were children
of divorce will experience some negative effects as a result; namely depression
and relationship issues. Another study shows that about 25% of adults
in this situation experienced these issues of psychological, emotional
and social problems. As adults, however, it is safe to say that there
are likely many other attributes contributing to the problems that these
adults are facing. Perhaps it was bad parenting they experienced in general
or even their current circumstances, not just because of the divorce their
parents went through 20 plus years ago.
As parents, if you are considering a
divorce—do whatever you can to help your kids. How you prepare them for
the divorce will make a huge impact in their ability to cope and move
on and perhaps even in their later adult years. As parents it is entirely
in your hands to provide a safe and loving environment in the wake of
a divorce. As a parent, be sure to give them the emotional support they
need not only during the time of the divorce but throughout life as they
are your children. Make sure that you are also firm in your discipline
and instruction of the children, not letting little things slip through.
Proper (loving) discipline can help teach and shape them to be responsible
young adults in the future. You play a large role, so do whatever you
can for them during the divorce and afterwards!
If you are considering a divorce,
contact Hopper Law Office today for the Raleigh divorce lawyer you deserve to help you through the process.